Why you lack confidence and how to boost your self-confidence?

What is Self-confidence?

Self-confidence is the feeling of trust in your abilities. It is the name of the belief that one shows in themselves a

nd whatever they do(with the right purpose!)


self-confidence building tips

Why is it important?

Why is self-confidence important or should I say why isn't the confidence of other people on you enough? 

Because it really isn't. 

No matter how much confidence our friends and family and the world shows on you if YOU are not confident of tour abilities and talents, then YOU  will not feel confident. You'll feel low and it'll reflect in your work. And if your quality of work diminishes, then the world WILL ALSO STOP TRUSTING YOU WITH YOUR ABILITIES. PERIOD!

But not everyone of us is confident enough in our lives.Infact majority deals with low self-confidence and in result, anxiety and depression becomes our neighbour(not so pleased right?) 

Before jumping right onto the topic of "How to be confident?" 

Let's bust the causes that can cause low confidence 

No doubt root causes such as unhappy or lonely childhood and harsh comments damage your sense of confidence. And honestly, you can't go back and change your past or put a plaster onto people's mouth so that they stop hurting you. 

But these are causes that are external factors.

Let's talk about how WE, OURSELVES play a destructive role in diminishing our confidence. 


reasons for lack of self-confidence

Trying to fit in the wrong tribe

That popular famous singing or dancing group from college who seemed to be sweeping off all the accolades and praises? And you want to be one of them or wanna be like them, even though you are not gifted with singing or dancing instead you are amazing at writing or elocution or cooking or business....

Result? You fail miserably or not being able to attract eyes or praises or rise as a talent. Why? Because that's not what you are meant to do. 

You dive in in deep waters and donno how to swim.. this will only suffocate you.

Same happens with confidence. True that you can learn anything in this world with determination but if that was the case then everybody can do everything right? 

Bottom line is when you try to become what you can't be(because you are blessed with a different talent) then you'll face destruction of your confidence.

Trying to fit in the wrong path

This is similar to the one above, if not the same. Just because you are expected to choose a career that seems successful or has some greater scope, doesn't mean you should!

Choosing wrong streams and businesses will leave you nowhere and once you see you aren't getting results or any form of success, you'll start to lose confidence in yourself.

Looking for validation from others(ALWAYS!)

Now it's human nature to ask for validation from your near and

dear ones, about certain things. And it's good but to a certain extent. When you start asking for approval from others all the time, their response may not always be best and that may impact your confidence seriously. Over-approval seeking makes you feel emotionally handicapped.

Red flags that show you lack self-confidence:

Constantly doubting yourself

When you doubt yourself even when you are doing something you have expertise on, then my friend, know that you are running low on self-confidence. 

self-doubt causes low self-confidence

You doubt yourself even on the slightest of things and you are clouded by negative “what-ifs”.

You are afraid of the questions and stares of people, fi you mess upthings and this makes you want to be the background artist and never come up with your ideas and talents and skills.

Have a hard time believing you created success!

Now even if you manage to gather courage to exhibit your skill using your talent and score success in your work, you take it as a luck and don’t give credit to yourself.

You have a hard time accepting the fact that it’s your talent that helped you achieve success and it wasn’t riding on a free ride. 

Taking your success as your luck and having a hard time facing and accepting compliments are clearly signs of low self-confidence.

You rant about your failure more than your success

I know this is ridiculous but I am guilty of doing this.

And I think many people have the habit of sidelining their succes story and highlighting their failures.

Even if you have succeeded multiple times and failed a couple of times, you tend to focus more on the negatives than on the positives. 

When someones brings up your success story, YOU yourself counter-attack it by enlightening others with how bad you’ve failed and how many times you’ve failed.

Not only in front of others, but you include this in your self-talk too and your thought process includes this too, which is a dangerous sign of very low self-confidence.

Not following your passion because nobody’s doing it

Like I’ve mentioned before, people with low self-confidence tend to seek validation in each and everything.  May it be as trivial as what to wear or as important as should i follow my passion or not.

You look for approval from the world by inspecting if anyone’s doing it or not. If it’s a yes, then you proceed and if it’s a no, then you throw your passion and your dream out of the window and resume your life. 

Being readily available

You seem to think that you have nothing special and the only way to remain in people’s mind if not heart or let’s best put it, the only way to remind people you exist is by being readily available to them, no matter what.

Being readily avai;able is not a bad thing, but being readily available ALWAYS, even if you have your own tasks to handle or even the one asking your help doesn’t give a diem other days is a serious threat to your already low self-confidence. 

 This one indicator makes it crystal clear that you are not confident enough or worse you are not confident at all.

Ways you can boost your self-confidence

No matter how much everyone try, if you are not striving to up level your confidence game, nobody and nothing can help you.

Your parents, your friends, not even your success or your achievements can help you gain self-confidence.

The word is in itself self-explanatory. Self-confidence means confidence in SELF which can only be attained by SELF. 

No one is born self-confidant, every one gain confidence in themselves by practising certain habits and avoiding some.

Some of the common practices to boost your confidence are 

Reading and seeking knowledge

The more you read, the more you seek knowledge, 

the more you seek knowledge,the more knowledgable you become,

The more knowledgable you become, the more confident youll feel when you speak or when you voice out your opinion.

One such attributes of highly confident people is they seek more amd more knowledge sp that they don’t feel left out or inferior when a topic is being discussed and are keen to learn more about the topic by being a good listener too.

Dress up and show up

No matter what, dress up like the world is waiting foir your interview and show up where you are supposed to be.

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One such factor contributing to lower self-confidence is poor self-image. 

So dressing up appropriately can give your confidence a much needed boost. 

Agreed tht it’s certainly not the most important aspect but we can’t deny the fact that when we look good, we feel good. 

Positive affirmations

"I am capable" 

"I am enough"

 "I know what am doing"  

"I can do it"

How do you picture a person who time and again rants these phrases to himself/herself?

A confident mn or a woman, right?

Positive affirmations do work.

Many say that affirmations and positive self-talk are a myth and they don’t help gain confidence. I beg to differ because I’ve myself experienced that this works. Especially when you are about to enter the stage to perform or about to do a seminar or anything where huge public is involved.

So every morning when you wake up, face the mirror and rant those lines. You could even add as many positive phrases as you want. 

Remember if you don’t believe you can and you will, nobody’s gonna do that.

Practice gratitude

You may think why have i used the word gratitude here? Like what’s the connection between gratitude and confidence building?

Well it works like this. When you have an attitude of gratitude, youll feel grateful and thankful for whatever you possess, which in turn will put an end to peer or social comparisons, which in turn will help you feel good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself, youll focus on your positives and your skills, which in turn will make you confident about your abilities and youll excel in whatever you do. The cycle is real simple and highly beneficial only if you practice it.

Not being a people pleaser

As I’ve mentioned before, being readily available can harm your self-confidence. 

One way to stop being a people pleaser is to know your worth and what you are capable of. Once you know the real you, you’ll automatically stop being a people pleaser.

When you stop being one and start saying ‘no’ to things that can affect you and your schedule, you’ll notice a significant change in your inner self, and your confidence will rise and shine. 

Confidence building isn’t an overnight thing and combating low confidence a single time will not boost your confidence completely and make you highly self-confident.

It’s a gradual process and will take time. When you start practicing certain habits consistently then you can see a significant change in your self-confidence.

Tell me in the comments when in life have you experienced low self-confidence and how have you combatted it? 


  1. Such a great article! I’m all about affirmations and expressing gratitude. I find them incredibly helpful when done on a regular basis.

    1. Thank you much Kristyn. Glad you liked the article and yeah gratitude is the key to being content and when you remain content with yourself, your confidence gets a boost automatically!